I’m still confused with myself this time. Who am I, particularly? Since I doubt: Am I still living in this world or it’s just my body surviving in this world whereas my soul has already gone to somewhere (?). Therefore, sometimes I like musing and talking with myself inwardly about what actually myself is. I often chat with “my-other-self” and tell him my problems, hindrances, joys, griefs or everything when I don’t have anyone to chat with. Well, let we figure out what truly I like disgorge to.
It’s happened in my mind
My-Self: hei, are you afif?
My-Other-Self: Perhaps… yes
My-self: _ _”(what the heck this people ) well, okay. Can I talk with you? Umm, just a little conversation?
My-other-self: hmm.. whatever. But okay
My-self: (why do I very want to talk with this crazy people?) well, do you know, you and I are a same person actually. So what I feel is what you feel too Mr? Sorry what’s your name sir?
My-other-self: ngg,, just call me yourself.
My-self: _ _”(confused) okay, Mr Myself (haha, mocking!). Do you know who I am?
My-self: (angry!!) hufh,, okay forget it, let just back to our topic. Beneath it all, I come to here to talk to you about my problems since I don’t have chat-mate out there. Because you’ve already allowed me to chat with, so here I am. Hei sir, are you with me? (little angry)
My-other-self: zzzz,,, oh oh, yes yes I am
My-self: (I think He has just slept a while ago) Okay great. Where should we better start from? Oh yes, it’s about my friends in out there (in real life I mean). Don’t you know? In certain times, I’m so grateful having friends like them. But in certain times too, I’m so crestfallen with themmm. _ _”
My-self: Do you know WHY ? (shout to him) (I know he must sleep again)
My-self: (be patient, pretend that he’s hearing on me) hufhh.. You know, “sometimes” my friends BLAME me whatever I did and I said to. But sir, it just sometimes not all-times.
My-Other-self: zzz… hoaammm.. Okay just continue. I’m still with you. Zzzz
My-self: (haha. Mocking! (again)) Yeah I know my behavior occasionally irritates other people and make them annoyed to me. But this is I am, and can’t be others. Really I’m so confused how to face this problems. Hei sir do you have suggestions?
My-Other-self: Hmm.. Just throw them away or…..
My-self: (really angry!!!) hei sir, I’m serious to talk with you, but you always ignore me. And at last what I hear, you ask me to throw them away and cut our friendship over. What the hell are you talking about to me!
My-Other-self: Or just throw their words away instead of them
My-self: (silent) what on earth do you mean?
My-Other-self: yeah, just ignore those bad words that had been out from their mouth to you. Pretend it’s never pronounced by them. Delete it from your mind like when you throw “the most putrid rubbish” away to the garbage can.
My-self: But how do I face them?
My-Other-self: Just be YOURSELF. Do what you think is right, since like a quotation from Eleanor Roosevelt:
“You will be criticized when you do something. You will be criticized too when you don’t do anything. So just do what you think is right”
My-Other-self: Be yourself because You are what you are.
My-self: hei sir can I ask you something?
My-Other-self: why not.
My-self: Are you really MYSELF?
My-Other-self: Haha, yes I am YOURSELF.. zzzzzz (Sleep again)
Finally I realize: Just be myself because I have God. He knows everything that other people don’t know. I am what I am and will always be I am.