Well, It has been long time since I never take after this blog again. So many excruciating, delightful, afflicted and valuable moments happened in my life that I very want to appreciate in this blog. And now I’ll spill them up.
“This is Real a Life”, the five words that I’ve decided to become the headline title of my blog. So many things I have to do in this 2010 year, since I wanna get my best future through my ploy. January had passed toward my face, and I know, I can’t undo it at one’s will. Because this is real a life.
Really I don’t know what I’ve to talk in here, because I’m really confused with many complicated events happened in my life yesterday. It seems like torture my self by my own. I don’t want to tell my problems in here since I want this blog inspire others not vice versa. Sometimes I feel what I’ve written in here is useless at all, be the unintended one and I very want to stop and delete this blog ever.
Yet, I remind myself, those all are false. Since, I occasionally thought like that, because I have so many complicated problems and that’s why sometimes I feel I’m a Retard people one who worse than anyone. But, This is real a life.
In certain times, I felt all of people looked at me from my mistakes and feebleness. What I’ve already done against all of people mind. And finally I be the detestable one even among my friends. I don’t know what my mistakes at all to them. Even if I did those mistakes intuitively, they never tell me what the hell are those. They just considered me as the worst one, like a culprit in one atrocious wickedness. So the one and I think the best for me is just silent. Let them talk whatever they want about me. I know God is not blind and deaf, He knows everything the best for his all creäture and included me. So I just do my life, be myself and believe God will give the best for me. This is real a life.
Plenty of problems come to me like rain water falls from the sky hits everything that block Him up. I don’t know, can I solve these damn problems toward my lower mindset? I sometimes wanna kill myself, suicide, and end all of problems that confuse me in this complicated world. But what is the faith used for?
I have God, I have faith that always lead me walk in true line along my entire life. What a very stupid people I am, if I end my life in this world with suicide myself. Yes, I really thank to God, I can still think clearly and faithfully so I won’t never do such a d*mn deed and very against of Islam. Finally I realize, this is life, and no one can duck out from problems and stay away from him. Because once again This is real a life.
But people, I remind myself and you all. The real life for us doesn’t exist in this damn world. This world just a camouflage one that will deceive all of us to fall in misery. This world is just Provisional, and no explanation at all. The real life one is after this. The Beyond, The Hereafter. Because we live in this world to chase after the place named HEAVEN. That’s why this d*mn world:
IS REAL A LIFE BUT NOT A REAL LIFE
Because of that, just never give up and regretted with our mistakes and failure. Since we are an usual human and can’t be the perfect one. Let past just be the past and make the future be what future you want. :D