My-Self and My-Other-Self

I’m still confused with myself this time. Who am I, particularly? Since I doubt: Am I still living in this world or it’s just my body surviving in this world whereas my soul has already gone to somewhere (?). Therefore, sometimes I like musing and talking with myself inwardly about what actually myself is. I often chat with “my-other-self” and tell him my problems, hindrances, joys, griefs or everything when I don’t have anyone to chat with. Well, let we figure out what truly I like disgorge to.

It’s happened in my mind

My-Self: hei, are you afif?

My-Other-Self: Perhaps… yes

My-self: _ _”(what the heck this people ) well, okay. Can I talk with you? Umm, just a little conversation?

My-other-self: hmm.. whatever. But okay

My-self: (why do I very want to talk with this crazy people?) well, do you know, you and I are a same person actually. So what I feel is what you feel too Mr? Sorry what’s your name sir?

My-other-self: ngg,,  just call me yourself.

My-self: _ _”(confused) okay, Mr Myself (haha, mocking!). Do you know who I am?

My-other-self: no..

My-self: (angry!!) hufh,, okay forget it, let just back to our topic. Beneath it all, I come to here to talk to you about my problems since I don’t have chat-mate out there. Because you’ve already allowed me to chat with, so here I am. Hei sir, are you with me? (little angry)

My-other-self: zzzz,,, oh oh, yes yes I am

My-self: (I think He has just slept a while ago) Okay great. Where should we better start from? Oh yes, it’s about my friends in out there (in real life I mean). Don’t you know? In certain times, I’m so grateful having friends like them. But in certain times too, I’m so crestfallen with themmm. _ _”

My-other-self: zzZZZZ…..

My-self: Do you know WHY ? (shout to him) (I know he must sleep again)

My-other-self: zzZZZZ…..

My-self: (be patient, pretend that he’s hearing on me) hufhh.. You know, “sometimes” my friends BLAME me whatever I did and I said to. But sir, it just sometimes not all-times.

My-Other-self: zzz… hoaammm.. Okay just continue. I’m still with you. Zzzz

My-self: (haha. Mocking! (again)) Yeah I know my behavior occasionally irritates other people and make them annoyed to me. But this is I am, and can’t be others. Really I’m so confused how to face this problems. Hei sir do you have suggestions?

My-Other-self: Hmm.. Just throw them away or…..

My-self: (really angry!!!) hei sir, I’m serious to talk with you, but you always ignore me. And at last what I hear, you ask me to throw them away and cut our friendship over. What the hell are you talking about to me!

My-Other-self: Or just throw their words away instead of them

My-self: (silent) what on earth do you mean?

My-Other-self: yeah, just ignore those bad words that had been out from their mouth to you. Pretend it’s never pronounced by them. Delete it from your mind like when you throw “the most putrid rubbish” away to the garbage can.

My-self: But how do I face them?

My-Other-self: Just be YOURSELF. Do what you think is right, since like a quotation from Eleanor Roosevelt:

“You will be criticized when you do something. You will be criticized too when you don’t do anything. So just do what you think is right”

My-Self: (Speechless)

My-Other-self: Be yourself because You are what you are.

My-self: hei sir can I ask you something?

My-Other-self: why not.

My-self: Are you really MYSELF?

My-Other-self: Haha, yes I am YOURSELF.. zzzzzz (Sleep again)

My-self: (?)

Finally I realize: Just be myself because I have God. He knows everything that other people don’t know. I am what I am and will always be I am.

This is Real a Life

Well, It has been long time since I never take after this blog again. So many excruciating, delightful, afflicted and valuable moments happened in my life that I very want to appreciate in this blog. And now I’ll spill them up.

“This is Real a Life”, the five words that I’ve decided to become the headline title of my blog. So many things I have to do in this 2010 year, since I wanna get my best future through my ploy. January had passed toward my face, and I know, I can’t undo it at one’s will. Because this is real a life.

confused

Really I don’t know what I’ve to talk in here, because I’m really confused with many complicated events happened in my life yesterday. It seems like torture my self by my own. I don’t want to tell my problems in here since I want this blog inspire others not vice versa. Sometimes I feel what I’ve written in here is useless at all, be the unintended one and I very want to stop and delete this blog ever.

Yet, I remind myself, those all are false. Since, I occasionally thought like that, because I have so many complicated problems and that’s why sometimes I feel I’m a Retard people one who worse than anyone. But, This is real a life.

In certain times, I felt all of people looked at me from my mistakes and feebleness. What I’ve already done against all of people mind. And finally I be the detestable one even among my friends. I don’t know what my mistakes at all to them. Even if I did those mistakes intuitively, they never tell me what the hell are those. They just considered me as the worst one, like a culprit in one atrocious wickedness. So the one and I think the best for me is just silent. Let them talk whatever they want about me. I know God is not blind and deaf, He knows everything the best for his all creäture and included me. So I just do my life, be myself and believe God will give the best for me. This is real a life.

rain

Plenty of problems come to me like rain water falls from the sky hits everything that block Him up. I don’t know, can I solve these damn problems toward my lower mindset? I sometimes wanna kill myself, suicide, and end all of problems that confuse me in this complicated world. But what is the faith used for?

I have God, I have faith that always lead me walk in true line along my entire life. What a very stupid people I am, if I end my life in this world with suicide myself. Yes, I really thank to God, I can still think clearly and faithfully so I won’t never do such a d*mn deed and very against of Islam. Finally I realize, this is life, and no one can duck out from problems and stay away from him. Because once again This is real a life.

But people, I remind myself and you all. The real life for us doesn’t exist in this damn world. This world just a camouflage one that will deceive all of us to fall in misery. This world is just Provisional, and no explanation at all. The real life one is after this. The Beyond, The Hereafter. Because we live in this world to chase after the place named HEAVEN. That’s why this d*mn world:

IS REAL A LIFE BUT NOT A REAL LIFE

Life

Because of that, just never give up and regretted with our mistakes and failure. Since we are an usual human and can’t be the perfect one. Let past just be the past and make the future be what future you want.